Today let’s talk about one of the mysteries of ye Olde World, the bidet.

This is the one in my current flat. I realize that I’ve lived in 3 different flats during my short time here. Each had one of these in the bathroom taking up space.

Where I live now, the bathroom is fairly spacious, which is good when two girls are sharing it. Thus, I’m not too bothered by the bidet being there, wasting space. However, in the other places I’ve lived, the bathrooms were fairly small yet still had a bidet. This annoyed me to no end because they could have put some cabinets, storage or something else in the spot the bidet was wasting. But I digress. Today we’re here to learn how to use one.

First, a little history from our friends at wikipedia:

A bidet (US  /bɨˈdeɪ/ or UK /ˈbiːdeɪ/) is a low-mounted plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. It was originally a French word.

Bidet is a French word for pony (and in Old French, bider meant to trot). This etymology comes from the notion that one rides a bidet much like a pony is ridden. In addition, the bidet is also referred to as the “garden hose.”

The bidet appears to have been an invention of French furniture makers in the late 17th century, although no exact date or inventor is known. Theories exist that its inventor is Christophe Des Rosiers, furniture maker for the French Royal Family, but Marc Andre Jacoud is also rumored to have been the inventor.^[1][2] The earliest written reference to the bidet is in 1710 in Italy. By 1900, due to plumbing improvements, the bidet (and chamber pot) moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. This was common in French palaces. 1980 saw the introduction of the electronic bidet from Japan, known as the TOTO Washlet, an attachment which connects on to existing toilet arrangements — ideal for bathrooms lacking the space for a separate bidet and toilet.

So the land of Louis Vuitton, a radio antenna as a national landmark and the lovely buttery croissants and savory crepes is responsible also for this contraption to keep the genitalia clean. The French are so multi-talented.

Wait, there’s more:

Bidets are primarily used to wash and clean the genitalia, perineum, inner buttocks, and anus. They may also be used to clean any other part of the body such as feet. Despite appearing similar to a toilet, it would be more accurate to compare it to the washbasin or bathtub. Bidets once served as a practical way for couples to prepare themselves before sex, as well as to rinse themselves afterward.

So it’s for washing and cleaning before and after SEX??!!!The French are so avant-garde … and racy. This all seems very Moulin Rouge-y to me.

Anywho, you’re supposed to mount it like a pony I guess and rinse, rinse, rinse. Although the original purpose was post-coital, I assume this would also be handy after a case of particularly explosive diarrhea.  For an example of why youtube is the devil, click here»»> youtube is the devil

Should you find yourself in Europe with explosive diarrhea or any reason whatsoever to wash down there, I’ve got you covered. Here’s some links on how to do it. Don’t worry, they’re cartoons and they’re not naked or anything.

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet «« There’s a cartoon video at the end of the written instructions, so watch that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooNaPJoZnOM&feature=related «« Hmmm, I don’t know about this type of model with the “geyser” jet. That seems germy to me.

I would prefer this type of design where the water jet isn’t IN the basin. It just seems more sanitary. Yes, I tried it. Yes, it does impart a certain unrivaled freshness …

Funny how, I’ve never actually heard the song that is referenced in the title and I had to go to urbandictionary.com to get a definition of the term. I knew intuitively what it meant given the situations that people yell, “YOLO” (in the club, at a bachelor’s party, while on vacation somewhere where nobody knows them) but I wanted a solid, accurate definition cause I’m just particular about it like that.

Anywho, I’ve been gone for quite a long time … err, sorting some “things” out. Mainly, applying for jobs, plotting my triumphant return to the US of A, and a life change here or there. As such, I haven’t done anything exceptionally exciting here in Spain since returning from Portugal weeks ago. Honestly, while in Portugal I was fairly boring as well. Just going to class to practice my Portuguese, then coming home and studying and going to sleep early. Yes, yes. All boring stuff.*

In somewhat exciting news, the entire country of Spain is striking today. After the government passed some labor reform laws that give companies more leeway in hiring and firing employees, shorten the time to receive unemployment benefits (it goes as high as 2 years here), changes in the civil service exam rules, and lots of other stuff— the Spaniards got fed up. This is all amidst other austerity measures such as raising taxes and other cut backs that are leaving Spanish people feeling pinched. Nationwide, unemployment is around 24% and youth unemployment is at like 50%. YES 50%.

CLICK HERE

So today, March 29, 2012 everybody went on strike. I stayed home.

Fridays I am off and next week is Semana Santa (Holy Week/Easter- so no school) so I’ve got until April 9 with no work and nothing to do. Hence the title of the post. What do you suggest I get into since you know, YOLO???

It took me like 4 hours to write and finish this post. Jeez. I must be struggling with life right now.

~B

*I vaguely remember an instance of recent weekend partying but I’m not yet ready to discuss that. So.

That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives as though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.

(Source: treesquirrrel, via phatearrangsnthangs)

PORTUGAL IS SUCH A WONDERFUL PLACE! I LOVE IT HERE!